Moving is somewhat of a curse word in some homes. In mine it’s a way of life. My parents grew up moving, their parents grew up moving, and I was raised the same way. To never feel connected to places, but rather to people.
Texas, California, Singapore, Australia, Boston, Washington, the story of my life. There are people all over the world who have moved far more than I have. I know, some of them are my best friends. It seems that something dies inside when you have to leave people that many times; when you are forced to become a part of a community where no one knows who you are. I've seen it happen, from distance, of course. I have told friends many times that life is all about perspective. Do you see an opportunity or a horrible situation? I saw an opportunity.
My life has been one of fresh starts, world travel, and the constant promise of uncertainty. Knowing that I would live in one place for four years initially made me feel trapped. In my community high school students tended to have a lot of connections based on the fact that they lived there their entire lives. I, on the other hand, didn’t know anyone; I knew I would never have a history in a community. My pre-school teacher would never become my employer; my teachers would never have known…anyone in my family. I had two options: one, give up; two, learn to self-advocate at the age of 14. I became immersed in the community, making connections whenever possible. I volunteered my baby-sitting services to the moms of the other boys on my little brother’s baseball team. I donated cakes to local auctions. I volunteered for anything that caught my interest. It didn’t take long at all before I no longer had to seek opportunities. Soon I was being requested to volunteer at functions to raise money for a local restaurant that caters to the homeless community; I was invited to attend a mission trip to Tijuana; I was asked to be the photo editor of the yearbook by a teacher who is notorious for not even knowing her students names.
I realized then that simply living in one place doesn’t really entitle a person to anything, and neither does knowing a lot of people. Only after earning respect does one gain success.
I have a clear bias that moving is a way of life that forces a person to be a self-advocate. It forces families to stick together, in the periods of time when you are all each other have. As well as causing you to realize that the connections you make with others are really all that you leave behind.
What I wonder is what it is like to live in one place your whole life? Does it create a feeling of freedom in knowing what to expect from your life? Or might a person feel trapped by the expectations of the community that raised them?
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3 comments:
Kudos to you for making the moving around a plus rather than an excuse to be unhappy with your parents. Adversity (and I think all your moving could be called that) can make a person stronger--if they are proactive. However, your post raises an interesting issue to explore: How much of our identity come from the places we are from? People today aren't as closely connected to place as in past centuries. Last fall, my students read some passages from a non-fiction travel book called Blue Highways, in which the author traveled the back roads of America and talked with the local people. This one old woman, a retired elementary school teacher, lived her whole life on a three-square mile island in Chesapeake Bay. She was in her 80's and had written a history of the island. She knew everything that had happened there. She knew all the plants and animals, all about crabbing, since that's what most of the people did. Others interviewed in the book were farmers, connected to the land, and there was a Hopi indian who explained how the Hopi are connected spiritually to their lands. Americans especially have become disconnected and don't have much sense of belonging to a place or knowing our local history. To make a connection with our reading, I would describe that old lady in Maryland as a person who has lived a good life as Csikczentmihalyi describes it: That is, she lived a life fully engaged with the people, nature, commerce of her place. She was immersed in the life of the island and never outgrew her childlike curiosity about everything.
I wish that I was able to have such a positive out look on things in life the way that you seem to. I have only moved a couple times in my life, but I feel like they were the worst times of my life. Only one of the moves my family made was major. We lived in Michigan for six years, my childhood years, and then moved to Texas, which is where I have lived since. I really applaud you in the way you have acted towards all of your moves. I was only eight when my big move happened but I most definitely did not act with as much open mindedness as you seem to have when you moved. I was so upset with my parents for making us leave everything we had known and make us go to a new place, that for the first couple of years I did not even give it a try. I was so close minded and did not want to become connected in my new community. I now regret that, because I wasted two years of my life felling sorry for myself. I know this was not one of your first moves, but I am very shocked that at the age of only 14 you took so much control. Now, to answer your questions, I think that living in the same community your whole life is just a different experience. Not good nor bad but different. I do think though, that someone like you will have so many more advantages than people like me because of your willingness to work with change. I do not think that people feel trapped if they have lived in the same area their whole life, but rather not willing to change their ways.
Wow! You have moved so much. Although you felt as though you didn't create many connections at first with people, you did become more worldly! I envy the fact that you were fortunate enough to live in such wonderful places; what great opportunities! I wish I could have grown up in a place like Australia! However, I too see where you're coming from. I have only moved once in my life, but once for me was enough. I still regret that my parents made me move to Ohio in middle school. I grew up in Kentucky, and loved it. I had a great experience there, and although I don't directly keep in touch with everyone, my family keeps in touch with many of the families we ran around with in Kentucky. I never quite adjusted to Ohio, as it is extremely different from Kentucky. Unlike you, I didn't put myself out there trying to make connections with others. I pouted that I had to move, and spent many of my years living in the past. Now that I am older, I have come to the realization that everyone I meet is extremely influential on my life, and I need to get to know them on a more personal level, so that we can help each other in times of need.
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